I wish I wasn't lazy so I could write a book.

I was supposed to post a very heart-warming Christmas post on Christmas. I even had it saved and everything with pictures of the Christmas-y things in my house. But I didn't. Not cause I was lazy or anything. I just didn't want to try and salvage the day, making it something that it wasn't. Even though it was December 25th, it wasn't Christmas for me. Maybe for a couple of hours it was, opened some gifts that my mom mailed me and called the family. But after that it was just a normal day. Cooked my meals. Cleaned the house. Sat in front of the computer. Went to sleep and woke up for work the next morning. It wasn't sad or anything, like how people think it was when I tell them what I did. It wasn't even that boring. It was just like, normal. Which made me feel old. It was like the first birthday that you don't really notice. The first birthday that you don't really do anything special for. When you get caught off guard when somebody reminds you with a "Happy Birthday." I'd say the past 2 or 3 have been like that. Just like this Christmas, they weren't sad pitiful days. Just normal ones. I was pretty bummed the days before Christmas as can be seen from my last post. But I was just bummed because I wasn't going to have a Christmas like the other years past. I felt like I totally needed to have a Christmas like the others. If I didn't I'd just wake up that day and start bawling. But then I woke up, kind of late actually, and I didn't start bawling. I woke up and it happened. All the charm and allure of Christmas that I usually felt was gone. It was just a normal day. And I was fine. I wasn't sad or bummed at all that day.

Even though, I am young, I don't really have times that make me feel young. Christmas and birthdays are just normal to me. I always work. I wipe my own butt. But then again, what am I supposed to do to feel young? Slide down a slide? Swing on swings? Even just staring at the sky makes me feel old because of all the thoughts that are jumbled in my head. The only thing that reminds me of how young I am is that I think the world is messed up and I don't like it. It's a statistically rooted view point that many people my age think. You know. Liberal college kid, reading the news, thinking I can make a difference some how, criticizing America, having strong opinions of things that I will never be a part of. It makes me feel young knowing that in 20 years I will be laughing at my naive 20 years younger self, like how I do now to my 5 years younger self.

Today is Diane's 19th birthday, my little sister. A good thing about her birthday is that it is really close the Christmas, making it easier to remember. Should I say it even though I know she doesn't read this? Whatevers.

Happy Birthday Do Do Head. Stay young.