I wish I didn't have deep thoughts on this

Man.  My mom just informed me today that my dad will be selling his beloved Harley Davidson motorcycle.  Over the years, including the one he's selling now, he's had three motorcycles.  For all three of them, he's had to have sold them due to financial woes.  When I was small, he worked 6 days a week, racking up a ton of overtime hours.  He's a diesel mechanic for a shipping company.  While in college, his job cut back his overtime hours and he went to working 5 days a week.  My initial thoughts were, "Jesus, finally, he gets a break."  But I soon realized that it was an unwanted break.  College, espcially mine, is soo goddamm expensive.  My younger sister also goes to college, one that is not as expensive as mine, but still costs a lot nonetheless.  I guess we used to be really dependent on all of those overtime hours that my dad got because he switched positions from a diesel mechanic to a stevedore; basically a normal dockworker guy.  So now he's working 6 days a week again.  My mom said that he liked that change in work as it made him more fit.  But anyways, a couple of weeks ago my youngest sister texted me that my dad's hand got crushed and he's in the hospital undergoing emergency surgery.  My dads work as a stevedore is basically to move those huge shipping containeres from the barge onto land, with the help of a crane of course.  So my first thought was that his hand got stuck in between two containers, which would then mean that his whole hand would have to be removed.  I called my mom and she told me that a negligent crane operator accidently let the container go and my dad moved his most of his hand out of the way in time but his left hand index finger got caught.  He's left handed.  So, I was relieved but felt bad because I feel like he had to switch jobs because the tuition for my school is so high.  This feeling would only increase as my mom told me that he has to sell his motorcycle.  Since the accident, my dad has just been at home.  He's on workers compensation but is not receiving the needed overtime hours.  While this is all happening, I'm supposed to go to Japan for two weeks in March.  As of now, I don't have enough money to pay January rent.  My credit card is almost maxed out.  And my main source of income, Levi's, has more than cut my hours in half.  I seriously have no idea what I'm going to do.  I put my wii on craigslist.  Now when I usually put stuff on craigslist, I get emails right away.  Usually.  I haven't gotten any emails about my ad yet.  I have a savings account with $500.  I was thinking of just closing it in order to pay rent and my credit card.  I don't want to do that but fuck, I don't think my dad wants to sell his motorcycle.  I told my parents that someday, when I'm rich, I'm going to buy them sweet ass massage chairs.  I even looked at the price.  For a good one, they're about $1500.  Even though its been sunny the past few days, this shitty economy has been bringing me down.  When I'm at work at Levi's it saddens me when older and older people are asking for applications and I have to tell them that we're not hiring.  Also, that news story of that father who got fired and then killed his 5 kids and wife because he felt like he had no other option.  He and his wife both got fired, not laid off, from the hospital that they worked at.  I know that I feel stressed right now, but can you imagine going home to 5 kids, all who were under the age of 8, knowing that you're not gong to be able to provide for them?  Dude, that's what parents do.  They provide.  But to not be able to do that.  I wish I could say that I would never do that but I wasn't in his shoes.  Right now, I feel like my shoes are shitty but his. . . I don't know what I would have done.  Oh yeah.  I also want to go to Japan in the summer through this summer school thing.  But as of now, I do not have suffcient funds to pay for it.  Maybe it's the school and the people that I'm around but I feel like I work way too much and for nothing really.  Fuck man sometimes, I just want to not go to work.  I want to go to more conerts and shows.  I want to clean the house.  I want to play music.  I want to ride my bike all over the city.  I want to hang out with my friends more.  I want to be able to go home to Hawaii and not have to worry about how I'm going to make up enough money for rent.  I want to be able to eat anywhere and anything.  I want to travel all over the place (I never realized how much of a luxury traveling is).  I want to look in my wallet and see money.  But I can't.  Maybe I can do some of those things, but never enough as much as I want.  I sound like such an ass.  Everyday I try not to think of things like about what I'm typing right now.  Because if I do, I just feel shitty, like now.  One positive thing is that I'm way more motivated to do good in school, just so I don't waste my parents money.  But doing that too is really hard.  Again, I'm such an ass.  Other people have it way harder than me.  I just don't know what to do really besides come here and complain in my blog.  I should change the URL to complainingjacob.blogspot.com.  I tried to add two classes today but the registrars office said that I still owe $1400.  I forgot that my parents hadn't paid the balance yet.  I don't think I'll tell them about it.