Yeah. . .

I almost burned the house down.

Two of my classes got canceled today so after work at the library, I decided to go home and make some food. It was probably around 3:30-4ish when I finished making my instant yakisoba. After I finished eating, I just hung around the house until the JSA meeting at 5. Yada yada, finished meeting around 6 and me, Kevin and Hank decided to go to our practice space to play music. We played there for a couple of hours and got back home at around 9:30. I was starving so I decided to go to Nizario's Pizza. As I was walking out of the door I heard Hank yell at me from the kitchen. As I walked towards him, he held up the pan that I had left on the stove and said that he HAD JUST TURNED OFF THE FLAME. THE FLAME WAS ON FROM 3:30 TO 9:30. THE FLAME WAS ON FOR SIX HOURS. I don't know how I didn't remember to turn it off. The pan was soooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking hot. Man I am so dumb. I have such a problem with forgetting stuff in the kitchen. A couple of weeks ago, I wanted to eat cornbread with for lunch, so the night before I made it and left it in the oven to eat the next day. Seriously, almost a week later, about 5 days, I rememberd that I made cornbread and that it was still in the oven. I took it out and it tasted fine. But it felt like it was cornbread sand in my mouth. Like every bite would fall apart in my mouth and not get any more moist while I was trying to chew it. I eneded up throwing it all away.

Imagine if something had caught on fire while we were gone?! Imagine how high the gas bill is going to be?! I know I say this too much, usually directed towards other people, but I am so dumb.

I need someone to help me. Sleep. Eat. Clean. Read. Work. I can't do it alone. As it is, I am struggling to fail at all five. The only thing that I don't need help with is playing, but it's the one thing that I don't have time for anymore. The only time to play comes at the expense of the other five. I'm not depressed or anything, I don't really know. I feel like everyone feels like this at some time in their life. At least I think so. Getting older. Getting fatter. Getting more stressed out. Not being able to handle everything. Trying to figure out what to do for the whole rest of your life so that you don't have to feel like this any longer. Would not having school make things easier? What about winning the lottery or finding my dream girl reading some history book/manga? What if I moved back to Hawaii, would I feel the same as I did in high school days? If I worked less, would things be better? All these not-so-secret-anymore wishes are just what I think would make things easier for me but really, as you get older, things only get more difficult. That's what I think. Everything that I feel right now, all the worries that I have will seem like nothing to the five or ten year older me. So what is there to do? I feel like I will be feeling like this for a long time. I say I want help but only I can help myself, yet I know that I won't. You know what I mean? Right now I should be doing either one of the five things. Well maybe not working or eating but I should be doing something other that this right now. But I'm not. When you're young and think about the future, it's the big things that you think about. School, work, money, relationships, grown up things. You don't ever think about real real life. At least I don't think people do. I don't know what I'm trying to say, I didn't think I'd keep rambling on for so long. But I guess that I have to since I don't or better yet,should not have time for this (doing this counts as play). After this I'll sleep. Then wake up and live another day doing things that keep my mind preoccupied with things that just keep me going until the next day.

Next update will be all pictures and lots of it. Pinky promise.